Monday, November 12, 2007

Wondering...

I never wanted to have kids, because I thought I would be a horrible parent. How ironic that I'm now a nanny to three children... the only thing more ironic would be if I married a hairy man and had half a dozen kids of my own... and please Lord, that's not a challenge!

This weekend, I've felt like a horrible "parent." So impatient and frustrated with the kids... why can't I be more calm, more loving, more understanding, more wise? Am I screwing them up irreparably? I'd like to think not, but this weekend, I'm feeling like I really suck at it. Does the fact that I love them and I'm trying my best (but failing too often - at least it feels like) make up for it? Okay, so I'm probably not the worst "parent" in the world, but I feel like so far from the best, and they deserve the best, especially since none of these kids has had the blessing of a mom and a dad raising them together.

Jesus, I believe You've brought this crazy family together for a reason... they bless me - as much as they sometimes frustrate me too! - and I want to bless them and show them Your love. Forgive me for my failings, my weaknesses... Jesus, may Your love shine through me. Help me to respond with wisdom and love, patience and kindness, even when I'm tired or frustrated. Thank You for Your grace which redeems us all, and for being the Perfect Parent to all of us. May these kids and their parents know Your love and the hope that is in You, and may I be an example of it. Thank You Jesus for this family and letting me be part of it... I love them, and I love You too!

3 comments:

Krickit said...

Mothers come in many forms Janis. As a fellow mom, I can tell you that we all have our moments when we feel like lousy parents, when our tempers and patience are shorter than we know Jesus wants them to be! It is a hard road, but a worthy road. The best advice I can give you, is to keep on loving them and doing your best. God will take care of the rest!

You're doing great Janis, chin up!

Family Of Five said...

Oh, Janis...we all feel like that at times! None of us are perfect or expected to be perfect. The important part is instead of denying our imperfections it's important to admit them so we can learn from them! Like in any relationship.... fighting is okay as long as you fight fair. We all have weakness, we all have things to learn and growing to do and what makes you such a good 'parent' IS the wanting to be the best and do the best..... admitting there are things to work on and wanting to learn!

Love..... quality time.... are what kids need. What would kids learn from us if we were perfect?? They would feel flawed every time they made a mistake! It's how we handle and deal with the imperfections that teach them the valuable lessons. They wouldn't learn the importance of admitting & learning from mistakes, they wouldn't learn that it's okay to make mistakes and that you are still a valuable and loveable person without perfection! Kids make mistakes on a daily basis.... learning and growing.... they learn how to admit and grow or how to deny and cover up mistakes from our examples!

I have said to my kids many nights "I wasn't as patient as I would have like to been with you today.... I was a little bit grumpy, and I'm really sorry! I'm going to try tomorrow to be less grumpy and more patient. I love you even when I'm happy or sad, patient or grumpy...my love for you never changes"

Keep loving them....keep showing them it's okay to not be perfect and that loving and learning together is what makes a wonderful family! This post makes me feel like you are one of the most wonderful 'parents' I know... admitting, loving them enough to want to change and grow to make life better for them.... that is selfless!

I love that you have also asked Jesus to help you.... not expecting he will do it for you! That is also the makings of a wonderful parent.... no one else can take care of it for you.... I love the way you have asked for strength and love, patience and kindness so YOU can help, make a difference, change and grow!

(Sorry it's so long...)

Janis said...

Thanks for the encouraging words, you guys. I love you, and I'm grateful for the things I learn from you... I thank God you're my friends!