The Thing With Feathers

Long Time, No Blog

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 05:10:00 +0000

I wish I'd been more faithful in keeping up this blog if only so I could remember what's been happening the past few months! Some random things I do remember ~

~ Layni is now a blue belt in Tae Kwon Do, so you'd better watch out! She has also been accepted into a class for gifted students next year - hopefully, it will challenge her and get her excited about learning. She attended the Upward Cheerleading camp at church, which of course, she loved.

~ Lysa is doing great and having fun with all her new equipment... riding her trike, enjoying the backyard swing, and being very successful on her new commode. She may never be fully toilet trained, but she loves going on it. She minds the heat as much as I do, so we've been hibernating in the basement or her air-conditioned room the past few days, listening to music, reading books and watching her favourite DVDs; occasionally sneaking out for a quick walk if it cools down enough at night.

~ Mattias got a buzz cut like his dad to combat the heat - he's looking very cool. He had a great time at the Upward basketball camp at church and won a T-ball trophy earlier this summer.

~ I had a great time visiting my family and friends in NB in May, especially meeting my best friend's twin boys, who will be six months old in just a few days - incredible how fast the time goes! I will eventually get the pictures off my camera, I'm sure. I suck at anything remotely technological!

~ My baby brother is turning 30 in a few days. Does this mean we're officially getting old? Haha!

~ I've been reading Iris Johansen's Eve Duncan series and Dorothy Gilman's Mrs. Pollifax series this summer, among other things. Fun, fast reads!

~ This heat is getting to me. I seriously don't even want to step outside when it's this hot. I don't want to do anything. I know I will be complaining when it's rainy and cold, and I'm not proud of it, but I like nice, moderate temperatures, what can I say?

Well, that's all I can think of for now. Must get the kids and myself to bed and Jake is begging for his bedtime snack, and is threatening to scratch me. Boys do get grouchy when they're hungry, whether human or feline. Oh, who are we kidding? So do I!

True Love... I Am Reminded That It Does Still Exist

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:20:00 +0000

Life has been busy and I've not been blogging much, but I had to share this. My best friend's husband wrote this post about a couple I only know through hearing Alisha and Derek speak of them, but I have grown to admire and care for them deeply. My prayers are with them and I pray that whatever the future holds, God will be close to them and bless them for demonstrating such a beautiful, committed love in this crazy world. I think they are amazing, and I hope I can demonstrate that kind of faith and love in my life.

Tired

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 05:14:00 +0000

I had great fun watching Twilight with friends last night and staying up super-late to catch up with a friend... not so much fun today living with my four hours sleep! It was a beautiful sunny day today, though still cool (will I ever be packing away heavy winter sweaters and my heating blanket?!). Marty headed over to Surrey to cheer Mattias on at his first T-ball game. Jolie had a meeting with another store in New Westminster called Cherish that is going to carry her jewelery. The girls and I went out for a walk, got sundaes at McDonalds (one of DeeDee's favourite treats) and stopped by the fair. I wanted to get cotton candy for Lysa's Easter basket and thought I might take them on the merry-go-round... until I realized it would cost $12 for the three of us - I don't think so!!! Ridiculous. I'm too cheap and too broke right now, so I bought Layni a hotdog and pop to support cancer research and we headed home instead. Lysa kicked around watching her Foursquare DVD while Layni and I had fun raking the yard and making a HUGE pile of branches, pine cones and needles to jump on top of. Marty came home (with Mattias who had lots of fun playing ball with his friends) and looked at me as if I was crazy. "Why don't you just put it into the green waste container instead of making a big pile in the yard?" I explained to Marty the difference between getting a kid to rake for two hours to make a big cool pile to jump on, which is fun, versus raking for two hours to put it in the green waste bin, which is work. Still not sure that he got it, but Layni definitely understood the difference ;) And the yard looks great! Tonight Layni watched the latest Barbie movie (The Diamond Castle) which makes me happy that she's still not too cool for that yet. When I was eight, I was eight. She's eight going on sixteen which scares me sometimes!

Three years ago, I wrote about the wonder of Layni learning to ride a two-wheeler all by herself. Well, yesterday at school, Lysa got her tricycle adjusted and was riding it all by herself! I guess she had so much fun zooming around, trying to run people over and half the school staff came out to cheer her on. Wish I had been there, but she'll probably bring it home for the summer so I'll get to see the action soon enough... way to go, Lysa!

Last Tuesday night, we had our first drop-in crafts night at the church. We had about a dozen women who made cards, brought scrapbooking and knitting. One lovely lady brought Dutch Blitz, which had a few of us going mad... I'm sure we could have happily played all night! But since we were in a church, I managed to control my mouth. As my best friend can attest, when we play, we're yelling at and insulting each other - all in the love of Jesus, of course ;)

Okay, I've got to get to bed so I'm not grumpy tomorrow... Layni's waiting for her sleepover in my room tonight with our Webkinz (I now have two - Lincoln, the Cocoa Dino and Violet, the Spotted Dino). Good night all!

They're Home!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 06:36:00 +0000

At six weeks old, my best friend's twin boys finally came home from the hospital! You can see pictures and read an update here on her blog. Six more weeks and I get to meet them when I go home to NB in May! Both NB and BC are "home" now ;)

For the Love of DeeDee

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 06:21:00 +0000

Today I temporarily overcame my aversion to the crowded, germy public swimming pool so that DeeDee could have one fun outing on Spring Break. This week has been mostly rainy so we haven't been able to get out for walks every day, like we'd like to. DeeDee and I were able to get out once to the library to get some books and then stopped at McDonalds so she could get her chocolate sundae; otherwise, the poor kid has been stuck inside all week, though she has been happy listening to her music, watching her FourSquare DVDs, reading stories and playing on the Priory Woods website. She is such a great kid; maybe it's not fair to compare, but I really wish her happy, positive attitude would rub off on the other two!

Anyway, Marty and I took all three kids to the Hyde Creek pool (it was the first time there for me and DeeDee, as it's not within walking distance, of course!) this afternoon. Much to my and DeeDee's disappointment, the water slide was closed down for some reason, but we had lots of fun splashing and playing in the pool anyway. I don't know if it's just been a long time since I've been to the pool (last summer) or if Hyde Creek is worse than the one here by the library, but the chlorine had my eyes stinging and me coughing my lungs up... Layni had some bad coughing fits too, but it didn't seem to bother DeeDee at all. We stayed for a couple of hours and I'm sure DeeDee would have happily stayed longer... she loves the water! Isn't it funny how when you're a kid, going to the pool is so exciting and fun, but as an adult, it's so gross? Or is that just me?!

Oh, and it was so weird - at one point, we looked out the windows, and it looked like a hurricane outside, sheets of rain and trees doubled over from the wind. By the time we drove home though, it was clear with patches of blue sky and a hint of sun. The weather is so wacky nowadays!

Proud... and amused!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 05:16:00 +0000

The girls just got their report cards before spring break. I was very happy and proud to read the teacher's comments on Layni's report:

Elayna's attitude toward her school work has improved significantly this past term. She no longer sighs, rolls her eyes or slouches at her desk when asked to complete something she does not want to do. Instead, she puts a smile on her face and works diligently to complete the task. She uses class time effectively and responds positively toward redirection and encouragement. Keep up the great work Elayna!

I guess it would be asking far too much to have the same attitude adjustment at home ;)

The comments on Lysa's report card are just as positive but had me laughing so hard I cried... of course, that could just be my strange sense of humour!

Elysa has the ability to brighten the most dismal day. When she comes into the classroom giggling or singing her classmates and myself stop, smile and feel content. Her laughter is infectious. It tends to generate a wave of emotion that can only be described as uplifting. For the past several weeks, Elysa has not spent a great deal of time in the classroom due to her new toileting schedule.

I can just see them all for the past several weeks, crying at their desks without Lysa's "wave of emotion" to uplift them!

I'm Alive ;)

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:48:00 +0000

I have been a terrible blogger the past few months, so here is a very quick rundown:

December was crazy busy as usual with five out of six birthdays, Christmas, and all the extra school and church activities. I ended up getting snowed into Vancouver for Christmas so enjoyed a quiet day here, opening presents with Jolie, Marty and the girls and then I think the grown-ups took a nap in the afternoon, after the kids went to their grandparents... you know you're old when ;) Finally made it to my brother's in Calgary on Boxing Day, where he treated me to movies, a junior league hockey game and a NHL hockey game and the Zoo Lights, as well as visiting with his girlfriend and my uncle, aunt and cousins, and doing some Boxing Day shopping. I experienced my first taste of Wii (bowling and golfing) at my uncle's house - it was hilarious and quite addictive!

January was quite a dark and depressing month for me, although I enjoyed the return of one of my greatest TV addictions, Lost; discovery of a new one - Flight of the Conchords; and our church's latest Beth Moore Bible study on the book of Proverbs - studying what the Bible has to say about such practical matters as friendship, money, sexuality, relationships, anxiety etc. I highly recommend it!

February has been a brighter month, emotionally if not necessarily weather-wise ;) Jolie and I have finished an intensive week of doing inventory for her business... counting hundreds of thousands of beads and crystals, among other things. Thank God that's over! And of course, the birth of my best friend's twins on Groundhog's Day was a big surprise to start off the month!

Layni's Webkinz obsession has spread to the rest of the household - once she sucked Mommy in, there was no turning back! So we all got a Webkin for Valentine's Day. Mine is the Cocoa Dinosaur... brown and pink and so adorable; I named him Lincoln after my hometown. I'm currently addicted to the game Smoothie Moves ; Layni got me hooked.

So that's my life the past few months and I'm really going to try to be more diligent at blogging, if only so that I have something to look back on, reminding me what's happened in my life ;)

My Groundhog's Day Surprise!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:19:00 +0000

On the afternoon of February 2nd, my best friend Alisha gave birth to Henry Harold, 4 lbs 2 oz, and Eli Derek, 3 lbs 11 oz by emergency Caesarean section. These beautiful boys surprised their parents by arriving exactly two months before their due date. The first few days were stressful as Alisha was in intensive care with HELLP syndrome. Thankfully, after much prayer, medication, and a couple blood transfusions, her liver and kidney function returned to normal and she was just released from the hospital yesterday. The boys are doing very well; they have been breathing on their own and their potassium levels are down to normal as well. They have started to catch onto the idea of nursing, and just need to gain some weight in the next few weeks so they can head home to be with the rest of their family. I will be heading back to New Brunswick at the beginning of May to meet them and visit with my friends and family for a couple weeks... I can't wait!

Jake's Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 08:00:00 +0000

At the end of November, Jake's 11th birthday kicked off the beginning of our crazy Christmas/birthday season. We went all out with decorations, presents and cake (for us; an appropriate feline treat for Jake!) Having been a live-in nanny for over five years, Jake has become as much a part of my family as Jolie and the girls. I never had a pet growing up and I've never been much of an animal person - except for a select few who have wormed their way into my hearts... but I love my Jakey. Like Lysa, he helps keep us all sane. Truly, he's a person in a cat's body and I can't imagine our lives without him!

New Year...

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 23:43:00 +0000

I was just looking through my 2008 calendar on my desk before I recycle it... dates marked off for birthdays, Bible study, scrapbooking, church events, coffee dates, school activities... how fast a year goes. In January, my high school friend had a bone marrow transplant and in March, my friend Sandra came for a visit... a few months later, they were both gone, dead from cancer. This past year has held so many tragedies for people I love, so many trials. I tend to get weighed down by all the negative, but there have been wonderful things too... visits with my family in NB and Calgary, a girls' trip to Tigh-Na-Mara in June, all the wonderful pleasures of everyday life. I am tremendously blessed to be rich in family and friends and the ability to savour the simple joys of each day, and I am so grateful for all the good things in my life. I can't believe another year is gone... the older I get, the faster time flies by... it scares me sometimes. I don't want to miss out on life while I'm trying to catch up to it!

Merry Christmas

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 06:04:00 +0000

It's 10:00 PM, I've slept a total of about 2 hours in the past 40 hours, and I'm here in Port Coquitlam for Christmas. After pulling an all-nighter, (last minute preparations and keeping an eye on the weather), Marty drove me to the airport at 3:30 AM. My flight to Calgary was supposed to go out at 6:00 AM. I sat on the plane for an hour before they announced the flight was cancelled at 9:30 AM. After spending hours (and I do mean being on hold listening to absolutely terrible elevator music for HOURS and HOURS today) on hold with both WestJet and AirCanada, I have a flight to Calgary at 9:00 AM on Boxing Day.

This will be the first Christmas I spend away from all my immediate family. Not that it will be bad being here and seeing the kids open their presents, but I will really miss being with my brother on Christmas day and having Christmas dinner with him, my aunt and our cousins.

Even though I was dead tired today, hungry, had a headache, was stressed out and disappointed, I was reminded when I got home and checked my email that today was merely an inconvenience, not a problem. A real problem is a four year old girl getting hit by a truck while out sledding on Christmas Eve day - oh dear God, please be with her family and give them a Christmas miracle, I beg of You. And forgive me for being so selfish and worried about mere inconveniences.

There are so many real problems in the world and I am so incredibly blessed... my family is all healthy and safe, I will hopefully get to visit my brother for a few days, everyone here is excited to have me for Christmas (despite the HOURS of driving they did today in terrible weather conditions... God bless them!). I pray for all those so much less fortunate than myself... oh God, have mercy on them, redeem their terrible situations, give them hope and peace and joy and strength and comfort this Christmas season and thank You that You are bigger than the most annoying inconveniences and the most devastating problems. Oh Jesus, I entrust this whole world to Your care this Christmas Eve. God bless us every one.

He Got Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 05:57:00 +0000

It always amazes me, how when I take even a moment to listen, God gets me. While working on the last week of Bible study homework tonight, I read: "Pray that you might be an example from which the people you care about can see God's unlimited patience." Oh, You got me, God.

Lately, I have been so impatient, annoyed, frustrated, and irritated by Marty, Layni, stupid politicians etc. Of course, the person I feel worst about is Layni. Even Jolie noted the other day, "Watch out, Layni. Janis is a hard-ass!" Is it because I'm struggling with depression and I take it out on others? Is it because my standards are too high? I get so annoyed and frustrated by laziness, for example. When Marty wants Jolie or me to do all the work for him - why can't you do it yourself? It's YOUR responsibility! We'd be happy to help, the operative word being HELP. Or Layni does the bare minimum and only with constant nagging from us... when it comes to school, Tae Kwon Do, chores - everything! Don't you care about anything? Don't you want to do well? Do you always have to talk back, whine, complain, argue about every little thing? I just want her to be a good person and do well in life. Or am I being too hard on an almost-eight year old? Too demanding? Whatever my problem is, I need to learn to relax and to be more patient and loving and gracious. Maybe I need more medication ;) I definitely need to lighten up and laugh more. I need to encourage instead of nag, to be an example of unlimited patience... and I know that's only possible by the Holy Spirit in me... and me allowing Jesus to shine through me. I want everyone, but especially the people I love and especially the little ones entrusted to my care, to see and experience the love of God in their lives through me.

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends... And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

- 1 Corinthians 13

Oh Lord, help me to love like You, especially the people I love the most! Help me to be patient when people annoy me; help me to be kind especially when I'm irritated; help me to not be arrogant, thinking I always know best; help me not to be rude even when Layni is talking back and giving attitude; help me not to always insist on my own way, even when I'm convinced my way is best; help me not to be so irritable!; help me not to be resentful; help me to believe the best about people - to see the best in them; help me to hope for the best instead of worrying and despairing about the worst case scenario; help me to endure when I'm weary and at the end of my resources. Oh Lord, give me wisdom to know when I need to push and when I need to let go, when I need to be lenient and when I need to enforce the rules, when I need to laugh at the situation or when I need to take a break and calm myself down. Give me wisdom in my words and actions, fill my find with loving thoughts... help me to love like You, because Your way is always best. Oh Lord, I want to be a blessing, an encouragement, not a discouragement. Teach me how to communicate effectively with Marty and Layni especially. Oh Lord, You know my heart, the good and the bad... I pray Psalm 51 - Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me... You desire truth in the inward being; therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart... Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me... sustain in me a willing spirit... The sacrifice acceptable to God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

Way to Go, Blue Stripe!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:08:00 +0000

CONGRATULATIONS LAYNI, ON ADVANCING TO YOUR BLUE STRIPE BELT!!! Layni was in the Transcending Martial Arts Tae Kwon Do Exhibition tonight and did an excellent job - even if she didn't break her board... even some black belts didn't break their boards, so don't sweat it, Layni - you did an awesome job and I am so proud of you!

BIG NEWS!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 08:52:00 +0000

MY BEST FRIEND IS HAVING TWINS!!!
From a family of three to a family of five - wow!

Madonna , Halloween and a 22nd Birthday

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 06:05:00 +0000

It was a busy week with three big events - the Madonna concert on Thursday night, Halloween festivities both Thursday and Friday at the girls' school, and a birthday to celebrate on Sunday.

Jolie, Marty, Layni and I arrived at GM Place at 8:00 PM, and waited for one and a half hours for Madonna to finally take the stage. I alternately stewed at having to wait (I hate waiting and people who aren't punctual!) and prayed for Madonna and her family as they're going through this difficult time in their lives. As Marty pointed out, it would have been a lot cheaper and we would have actually seen a lot more if we just bought the concert DVD that will inevitably come out, but nonetheless, it was a memorable experience - thanks, Jolie and Marty! Layni did well (though she was disappointed we were in level three instead of having front row seats!) until finally falling asleep about one and a half hours into the show. I must say, she performed non-stop for almost two hours - that woman has stamina I can only dream about! My favourite parts were her renditions of my favourite song off her new album, She's Not Me, and You Must Love Me from the Evita soundtrack - and when she sang Like A Virgin with the audience... one of the few times she seemed more relaxed and having fun, rather than just relentlessly performing.

Lysa woke up with pink eye on Thursday morning, and so missed the Halloween festivities at school and trick or treating on Friday night. However, we had a great time nonetheless. She dressed up as a 50's rock chick, we handed out candy to the neighbourhood kids, ate chocolate, watched DVDs, cuddled and laughed, while Layni a.k.a. Disco Dracula and Mattias a.k.a. Iron Man, scared up some candy with their friends up at Hampton Park.

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday as a Christian. Yes, 22 years ago on a Sunday afternoon in my bedroom in Lincoln, New Brunswick, I decided I believed God was real and that Jesus had died for my sins and so accepted His love and committed my life to Him. Oh, He knows that I have often not been faithful to Him in my laziness and doubts and apathy, but He has been unrelentingly faithful to me, and though I often think I have so little faith, I have always had that mustard seed to keep me hanging onto Him. I don't think I would have survived the last 22 years without Him and I know my life would not be as blessed as it is if He wasn't the centre of it. So thank You, Jesus, for saving me from myself and for all the love You have poured into my life... and for Your neverending faithfulness. I pray that I will grow closer to You every day of my life and that I will shine Your love for all to see. I pray that everyone else (especially my loved ones) will know Your amazing love and grace and faithfulness and joy and peace and goodness in their lives... all that You are and all that You want to be for us!

Good Day

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 05:29:00 +0000

You would think I would learn by now that just expressing my feelings helps tremendously... I've got to do it more often, instead of staying inside my head. So after pouring out my heart late last night, I had a good day today. Layni and I went to church, and the service was geared towards the kids who stayed throughout the whole service instead of going up to Kidzone... and for the big kids among us, who love the songs with actions and the funny skits and the pastor dressing up and telling us stories as King David. Afterwards, we went out to lunch with friends and the kids had such a great time together, the goofballs! They made me laugh. I came home and had a quiet, relaxing afternoon to myself. I had a nap, read Gone with the Wind (Jolie just finished it and told me I have to read it quickly so we can watch the movie together - the history involved is fascinating!), watched Sex and the City, and worked on my new dishcloth addiction. My mom is an amazing knitter, but I've only ever mastered dishcloths (and a baby blanket for my best friend's daughter, which took two and a half years and a lot of sweat and tears... and it was nothing fancy!). While I was home this fall, my mom taught me to purl (I told you, I am an amateur!) so it's opened a whole new world of dishcloth patterns. Guess what everyone's getting for Christmas! Put your order in soon, haha. Tonight, we all watched The Amazing Race together and then Jolie and I had our Desperate Housewives fix. It was a good day filled with simple pleasures. I am blessed with friends and family and a faithful God, and I am grateful.

Feelings... What Is Normal?

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 06:42:00 +0000

I was just rereading on the internet about dysthymia. I've struggled with depression since I was about ten years old, with growing intensity through the years, culminating in almost constant suicidal thoughts in college. For me, it was just life... I didn't know anything different. I was filled with self-hatred... "stupid ugly bitch" was a refrain constantly running through my mind, almost 24-7. I remember banging my head on the foot of my bed when I was a kid... to punish myself? to replace the emotional pain with physical pain? When I got older, I would scratch myself in frustration and self-hatred. I am so grateful that God made me a complete wimp, or I might have cut myself or inflicted other physical injuries (or gotten into alcohol and drugs). I might have thought of a pain-free way to kill myself and had the courage to go through with it... oh, I thank God for my wimpiness and my sense of humour, which were the two things (beside His grace of course) that enabled me to survive all those horrible years. After years of ignorance, then self-denial, then fighting the system to get the help I needed, I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and chronic dysthymic disorder. Though I mostly struggled with severe and often suicidal depression, I would occasionally have my "high" times... not as extreme as many cases; in fact, at the time, it felt great. I would have lots of energy, I would feel uninhibited socially - I would also have poorer judgement (which I never realized until afterwards) and would inevitably crash. It's been almost a decade since I was diagnosed (correctly) and started on an anti-depressant that was effective for me. Since then, I've never experienced the highs or suicidal lows of bipolar disorder, but I still struggle with the everyday "low-level" depression.

Since I got back from New Brunswick, I've been struggling with physical tiredness, lack of motivation and focus, feeling overwhelmed and wanting to withdraw. I often think I'd just like to crawl into bed and hibernate for several months. I feel guilty like I'm just being lazy, whiney... that if I was a better person and (oh, the joys of being a Christian and the guilt that comes along with it! ) if I just prayed more or had more faith, I wouldn't struggle like this. I feel overwhelmed by the things I should do and punish myself by not doing any of the things I want to do, and end up doing nothing and feeling even worse. One of the things I struggle with most is my natural tendency to be a loner and my struggle with social anxiety, with the love Jesus has put into my heart for people and wanting to bless them with His love through me. I often think if I wasn't a Christian, I would be a total hermit. Many people (most?) either frustrate me or frighten me (did I mention the social anxiety disorder?)

I'm sure there's a lot of things contributing to these feelings. Leaving my family in New Brunswick and not feeling that I had enough time to spend with them; the darker, colder days of fall; changing relationships at church, which has always provided my foundation of friendships. I belonged to a small group for several years which ended about a year and a half ago. There were about half a dozen of us who attended regularly and they felt like my family. I cried and laughed and learned and prayed and shared with them. I still have Thursday morning Bible study, but it's not the same. It's a bigger group and not as intimate. Our church is growing too, more people coming on Sunday mornings and it just feels bigger and more impersonal to me. I feel disconnected from the people there, and worse, feel like I don't even want to make the effort to be connected anymore.... and feeling guilty for feeling that way.

I'm just feeling... not terrible, but not great... feeling guilty because I know so many other people have far worse trials and challenges than me, so how can I complain or feel bad? Just feeling like crawling into my nice cozy sheets and not coming out for awhile.

Where Did the Last Three Weeks Go?

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 02:23:00 +0000

I can't believe in two days I will be flying back to BC. Part of me is excited to see Jolie and the kids and my friends again; part of me is already missing my family and wishing I could see them more often. I have done too much Christmas shopping... I'm going to have to ship myself a parcel because I can't fit it all into my suitcases... oops!

I spent a few days with my best friend and her family. We celebrated an early "Christmas" together - exchanged presents and had a Superstore cake (the best!) and listened to Christmas music. Alisha and Derek got me addicted to Slings and Arrows, a Canadian TV show about a Shakespearean theatre company that I gave her for her birthday, so we spent every night after Ella went to bed watching a couple episodes. Derek, God bless him, made me buckwheat pancakes twice while I was there - my favourite, but which I'm usually too lazy to make myself ;) I sat in on Ella's Montessori homeschool class, which was lots of fun. And we would read bedtime stories and cuddle together every night. We also celebrated Ella's 4th birthday with lots of presents, cake and friends, and enjoyed walks in the woods behind their house. It was so great to be together again!

I also visited with my cousins, who love animals of every sort, and my aunt, who loves books and movies even more than me! Went to dinner and saw Nights in Rodanthe (a tearjerker) with an old friend.

My parents, aunt and I visited Minister's Island - the beautiful (although desperately in need of funding for repairs and upkeep) summer estate of an early 1900's railroad tycoon - I love history! Unfortunately, the batteries in my camera and my dad's both died out halfway through the tour :( We had to drive over a sandbar at low tide to get to the island... good thing, as my mom is not fond of boats :)

Yesterday we drove up to the Miramichi (where my dad has spent lots of time fishing) and stayed in a lovely log cabin. After hitting the local dollar store (you know what mom's and my priority is!), we walked beside the bay just across the road, swung on the hanging porch swing, had barbecued steak, and played 45's. A relaxing, fun evening. Today, we stopped at the Parksville Suspension Bridge, which Dad and I enjoyed walking to take in the view of the Miramichi River surrounded by the gorgeous fall foliage. And I was so proud of my mom, who fears both water and heights... she got 1/6 of the way across before having to turn back... good for her! After we got home, Dad and I did our traditional round of mini-golf. He beat me the first time, but I managed to come back in the second round!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, brother and sister-in-law and aunt and uncle, before my mom goes to work in the evening. My best friend and I are getting together tomorrow night for our last hurrah, and then I have Tuesday to get myself ready to fly home first thing Wednesday morning. It's been wonderful - but I can't believe it's all over! Thank goodness I have so many wonderful people to fly back to, or I would be too sad missing my family!

Running Around

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:18:00 +0000

I'm off for a week of running around to visit family and friends. I am really grateful for everyone who is going out of their way to chauffeur me around from one place to the next - especially my best friend and my parents. In Coquitlam, I can pretty much walk everywhere I need to or catch a bus for the occasional longer trip, but here, you really need to know how to drive... or have fabulous friends and family! I am excited to see my cousins, who I missed last year because of a family health crisis; to explore Minister's Island with my parents on Sunday; to visit my best friend and celebrate her daughter's 4th birthday next week; to hang out with my aunt, who loves books and movies as much as I do; and to see my wonderful friends who are driving down from Peticodiac. I am so blessed with so many loved ones, and I am so grateful for this time I get to spend with them... but I will be glad to get back and see my "family" and friends in Coquitlam too!

I Tried to be a Good Citizen...

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:08:00 +0000

Okay, I will admit right off I am not the most politically savvy person in the world, to say the least. However, I do make the effort to vote as I know we are a privileged country to have that freedom, which I am very thankful for. So, knowing I would still be on vacation on October 14th when the election is held, I made the effort to go to our local electoral office to vote by special ballot the day before I flew out. I even had to go home and get a bank statement with my current address and return, so I could vote. I was ushered behind the little cardboard cubicle on the desk and took out my special ballot and was confused. It said simply, "Write the initials or name of the person you are voting for and put this ballot in the envelope." Usually, they have the names of the candidates and you simply check the box beside the person you are voting for. So in my confusion and ignorance, I wrote the name of the leader of the party I was voting for instead of the municipal candidate (whose name, quite frankly, I did not know.) After telling various people about this strange ballot and being told I probably voted wrong but they didn't know why it was set up like that, I called my local electoral office in BC. I discovered that my vote is "spoiled" as she said, and won't count, due in part to my ignorance and their failure to follow procedure. The official ballots with names were just printed this past Saturday because up until that date people can still put their names in the running. What was supposed to happen before I voted was that I should have been shown a piece of paper with all the candidates up to that point, which I never was shown. She told me, "Good for you for trying though!" Small consolation. Well, now I know for next time, though I wonder how many other ignorant people miscast their vote as well. I'm not sure if I want to think I was the only one that ignorant with a wasted vote or not!

Wonderful Weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 02:17:00 +0000

On Friday, I spent the day with my best friend, Alisha, her mom, Sharon and her daughter, Ella. We started our day together by going to The Owl's Nest, which I think is the most amazing second hand bookstore I've ever been in. It is a huge maze of rooms filled floor to ceiling with books on every subject... I could easily spend days in there browsing. After lunch at Pizza Delight (where Ella got the cutest "cat" pizza with a face made out of olives with licorice whiskers), we went to The Lighthouse (another favourite bookstore with a huge clearance section) and Value Village. After a quick supper, we hit Chapters (do we see a theme developing here? Sharon and Alisha love books as much as I do!) and Walmart. I spent a lot of money but got lots of birthday and Christmas presents to leave at home so I am saving money on postage! It was a wonderful day with my dear friends, doing our favourite things - talking, laughing, eating and looking at books!

Saturday, my parents and I were up at 4:30 so we could be at the farmer's market in Fredericton by 6:00 AM. Lots of fresh produce, baked goods and handmade items including jewelery, beautiful wood work, and art. Mom and I supplemented our meager night's sleep with a nap in the afternoon. It is so nice not to have a schedule for awhile, to sleep when you want to (for as long as you want to!) and not always be worrying about rushing to get something done or get somewhere on time. My older brother, Dan, picked me up in the afternoon and we loaded up on movies. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (the first one is the only one worth watching over and over) and an action movie called Crank (I liked the Transporter movies starring the same guy much better) as well as Resurrecting the Champ (I was pleasantly surprised and recommend it!) and Sex and the City (which we watched with Dan's wife, Melissa) and which I loved as much this third time around. Sunday afternoon, Dan and I went to the Fredericton flea market and bowling... fun and good for many laughs on Dan's part as he watched my skill (or rather, lack thereof) in action ;)

Despite the rainy weather the past couple days (vestiges of Hurricane/Tropical Storm Kyle), I've enjoyed seeing the vibrant colours of autumn... this place is so beautiful... my BC friends, I wish you could experience it!

Here I Am!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:40:00 +0000

Had a good flight yesterday - the only drawback was that the movie system was experiencing "technical difficulties" so I didn't get to see the end of Prince Caspian, whose accent I found distracting in its inconsistency; otherwise, I was enjoying the movie, despite how it differed from the book, which Layni and I finished on Sunday. I got in at 12:30 AM, visited with my parents for a couple hours (well, my dad went to bed after half an hour) and slept in this morning. This afternoon, mom and I went to one of my favourite stores, Giant Tiger, where I got a whole wardrobe for $40, including a $2.00 pair of jeans, several tops for $1.00 and $2.00, and three pair of shoes that came to $11.00 between them. I love the shopping in New Brunswick! And we didn't even get 1/4 of the way through the store! Tonight, my dad barbecued steak and baby potatoes from his garden and afterward, my brother and his wife came for a visit. It was a great day full of simple pleasures with my family.

I'm a little traumatized though, because my parents have decided to replace the siding on the house. It will no longer be the little (pale) yellow house across from the airport... it will be a non-distinctive beige/brown. I've lived in this house all my life (well, visited for the past ten years)... what will I do when they get even more drastic and sell it?! I love the big maple tree in the front yard and the "little" maple tree (which was little when I was little and is now huge) on the right side of the driveway. I love the new squeaky swing my father made this year to replace the old, falling-apart squeaky swing. I love my parents' flower and vegetable gardens and our deck that my dad built, that is lovely for eating out on nice days. I have been really blessed to have had the stability and security of a house that has also been a home all the years of my life... not just because of the house, but the wonderful people in it. I love my parents and my brothers, and I am so blessed that God gave these particular people to be my family - they're not perfect but we're wonderfully imperfect together!

P.S. I do miss our crazy household... someday when we're rich (haha!), I want to bring Jolie and her mom and the girls out to see my beautiful province and all the special places from my growing-up years - and all the special people, of course!

Less Than 24 Hours!

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 06:06:00 +0000

It's 11:06 PM and I'm pretty much packed up... hopefully our scales weigh correctly so I don't have to go through my suitcases at the airport giving stuff away (cause I'm not paying that $75 charge for overweight bags!) Watched the season premiere of Dancing with the Stars with the family tonight, cuddled Lysa while she kicked, and am letting Layni have a sleepover in my bed one last time before I leave. I can't believe this time tomorrow night I will be (hopefully!) sound asleep in my childhood room in New Brunswick. I can't believe it's actually here - that I'll very soon be seeing my family and friends again!

You Should See My Bed...

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 05:08:00 +0000

One more day (two sleeps) and then I'll be in the air, flying to New Brunswick. My bed is loaded with my suitcase, duffel bag and stuff to take home. They're charging $75 now for each overweight bag, so I'm trying to distribute everything evenly and praying that I'll be under 50 pounds each. I have so much stuff to take back for people, that I'm not sure I'll have room enough for my actual clothes... oh well, Frenchie's here I come! That's one of the best thrift stores on the East Coast. I can't believe it's almost here! Funny, I'm the only one bursting with excitement in this household; otherwise, there's a distinct feeling of dread and impending doom. It's nice to know I'm appreciated - and I'm sure they will survive without me ;) I'm also quite sure they will be very happy to have me back!

Mourning...

noreply@blogger.com (Janis) — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 01:41:00 +0000

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
- Romans 12:15

Tonight, I'm mourning with my friend Shelley and her family as they grieve the loss of her stepmom. Please pray for them - that they will find comfort and strength in happy memories and the love of everyone around them.